Wednesday, 10 May 2017

Emotions

Goodness where to begin

I am in turmoil once again

All I've ever really wanted was to have a home we could call our own and make it comfortable and cosy

A place to feel safe

For reasons out of our control this has never happened

Just when I get plans in place to make Little Winter our own

Something gets thrown into the mix

Something that stirred a little over Christmas but the offer was turned down

Now details of what exactly would tempt someone to sell land have become apparent and once more I feel on edge

If this indeed comes to fruition it may well be perfect for us

But I have had to watch my husband go down after countless disappointments before and am feeling very unsettled about this latest carrot being dangled before him

We also have the problem of who would pay for what and if we are hoping to get a mortgage to buy out youngest and her caveman it will leave us no leeway for grand designs

Already in my head I am planting my plants here but taking cuttings for future use

And a lovely kitchen extension is unlikely to happen if hubby is still hankering after something more

Decisions

It's a problem that most people would be delighted to have I'm sure

But when you've been knocked back so many times before it's impossible to get excited

And that is sad

I've started to remove the weeds from the smaller shaded side of the patio bed

But the excitement I felt at being able to plant up the area had subsided greatly which is such a shame

Maybe it could be my practice space

Like a Chelsea flower show garden

With the joint issues I'm having though it's a little upsetting realising that things I could once do I now have to rely on others for

Anyway

Happily the sun is still shining and for once I am home for the whole day

Things will be alright in the end I'm sure

It's just that the road we're taking has been very long with many detours along the way that very often left us further back than when we began the journey

Blessings J. X




7 comments:

  1. Awww me Jackie.....it sounds like you are on a right old roller coaster.
    I can't tell you that everything will be fine because I'm not psychic but I wish my very, very hardest for you that things come right sooner rather than later.
    I can't bear to think of you in such turmoil.
    Love and Hugs hunny-x-

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  2. I do hope the day will soon come when you will no longer be in turmoil and you have somewhere of your very own. The feeling of not knowing is unsettling and frustrating at best. X

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  3. oh such unsettling thoughts

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  4. It all sounds very complicated and unsettling. I do hope things are resolved soon.

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  5. I hope everything works out the way you want it. Very unsettling for you.

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  6. Sounds unsettling. Sending quiet positivity xx

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  7. It is amazing how quickly we can adapt and change our mind and if you decide to try for this new place then I wish you the best of luck. We almost gave up and I am SO glad we didn't as now it is all a distant memory xx

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